Companionship. It’s one of the most basic human needs. We can all benefit from being with others and it could be argued that for some of us, finding someone to be more than a friend or companion is very important.
Beyond the obvious social interaction, mental and physical benefits, it’s been proven that married or partnered up men and women tend to live longer than those who are on their own. And, one study even showed that the risk of death due to lack of social connection was approximately the equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and consuming excessive alcohol.
Why is it then that many seniors, along with their family caregivers, shy away from the idea of expanding their social circles with stronger friendships, or, heaven forbid, dating!
Let’s look at a few possible reasons for hesitation:
• A long-time spouse or partner may have recently passed away and a senior may be still grieving and/or feeling guilting about “replacing” them.
• An older adult may be stuck in their ways and reluctant to change, pursue new things and activities or take on the responsibilities financial and otherwise that comes with a new relationship.
• There may also be a lack of confidence, or distrust when it comes to opening up to someone new.
There also may be family or financial matters such as protection of assets, inheritance and tradition/legacy that can weigh into the decision-making. While these are all reasonable concerns, they hopefully won’t be absolute game changers that prohibit cautious next steps in starting a new journey.
As the saying goes, “there may be snow on the roof, but there’s still fire in the furnace.” That fire just needs to be stoked sometimes with a little encouragement.
Starting anew
How can seniors meet others and, possibly, strike up a new relationship or a possible romance? Consider the following ideas:
• Personal networking: Begin with an existing social circle, church or clubs where you know people. A trusted friend who already knows you or a family member may be able to introduce you to someone he/she knows. Matchmaking (or even asking someone else for this kind of help) may seem uncomfortable at first and perhaps a safer way of meeting someone new.
• Join a class: Doing so will not only get the senior out of the house but doing this can also provide a good meeting ground for someone with similar interests. Check in with your local senior’s association. These routinely offer numerous programs where seniors can participate and meet others – perhaps via a walking club, a computer class, or “lunch and learn” sessions to listen to guest speakers. Alternatively, seniors could approach local recreation centres offering programs – maybe swimming, crafts, lawn bowling, or billiards?
• On-line dating: Seniors can find a credible on-line dating site, create a profile, and connect with others from the safety of their own home.
Of course, meeting others of interest means sharing things about yourself, starting conversations and going out to learn more about the persons. Dating sites, for people of any age require a person to “proceed with caution”. As there are scammers who use these sites to prey both emotionally and financially on innocent victims … I have heard unfortunate stories of seniors being milked of their savings by false actors claiming false feelings of love.
A word or two of warning
Don’t share too much too soon. Be sure not to trust someone who claims he/she is constantly out of town for work or requests money for some reason. With first dates, meet someone in a public coffee shop and perhaps have a friend tag along to sit close by and assess the situation.
• Go dancing: Dancing can be an excellent means of exercise as well as a great means to meet someone new. Sign up for a dancing class as a “single” at a local dance studio and you can get partnered with someone else. Step out on the dance floor to trip the light fantastic and begin a conversation.
• Volunteer: Seniors could help a worthy cause and, perhaps, help themselves as well. Other seniors also volunteering would share similar interests and values – a great platform to build from for those seeking a new relationship. Charitable and non-profit organizations often welcome and value volunteers who are experienced, mature, and have much to give back.
• Work: Retired persons can also continue to work on a part-time basis. One woman I know took a job as a recreation aide at a seniors’ home (she calls this her retirement job!). In addition to providing extra income and keeping a person active, having a job to go to gives purpose and a chance to meet others.
• Get out: Seniors interested in new relationships will need to put themselves out there, but they must also get out of the house. Impromptu meetings with others at church, in the park, or at the grocery store may lead to great things … people not looking for a social connection can often find it because they are more themselves and at ease.
• Slow and steady: With seeking any new relationship, it can be best to take your time. Don’t rush into anything and trust your gut. If there are any “red flags” with someone new and something doesn’t feel right, it may be best to walk away.
Encouraging a caregiver or parent to mix and mingle, takes the right attitude, a little time and perhaps a little bit of luck. However, many wonderful things can happen when you share your time and new experiences with someone special!
Try it … you may just like it!
Rick Lauber is a freelance writer. He has written two books, Caregiver’s Guide for Canadians and The Successful Caregiver’s Guide.
Photo: Junior Reis, Unsplash
