Whether you are new to caregiving or a seasoned veteran, uncertainty, challenges and the need to make a lot of difficult decisions will be your constant companions. Having to hire help at home, make safety modifications or navigate expenses are but a few examples of the numerous caring challenges that will present themselves along the way.
Life is full of surprises and adapting to what comes along can be daunting, confusing and at times, game changing especially when you’re juggling your ability to care with work and family life. There are, however, tips and tools available to support you as you adjust, help loved ones consider options, find new places to live, get used to unfamiliar routines and adjust to new medical requirements.
Recognizing patterns
Managing change isn’t easy for many people. Infact, experts suggest that when faced with need to adapt, people’s coping skills generally differ and tend to fall into one of four categories:
• Resistors: they avoid change and do your best to maintain the status quo.
• Reactors: they’re impulsive, often taking quick action before thinking things through fully.
• Adaptors: they find ways to make a change work for you over time, adjusting gradually.
• Initiators: they seek change by finding and pursuing new things.
Understanding which category you, and/or your loved one, falls into may just help you to recognize certain behaviours and anticipate the type of responses that will make things easier. For instance… if you’re a ‘reactor’, try taking a couple extra minutes to pause and think about something before you respond. On the other hand, if you’re dealing with a ‘resistor’, you might try breaking big discussions or necessary changes into smaller steps so as to reduce someone’s reluctance, anxiety or confusion.
Strategize, plan, and manage
As you start determine the best approach, you can begin to take more effective steps to address and navigate feelings, important conversations and necessary logistics. Ideally, you can find a balance between pacing yourself, getting things done and managing the emotions of all concerned. Some things you may want to try include:
1) Write it down: Put pen to paper to outline the results you’re hoping for, the challenges you expect and the potential changes will need to make. Make a list of what you can control with pros and cons and what needs to happen today, this week, and this month. Journaling or charting can also help you break something that feels large and out of control into smaller, more manageable pieces. Identify the resources that you’ll need to accomplish what’s needed.
2) Set realistic expectations: Identify your strengths. Work to figure out your limits and the limits of the situation and what can and can’t be done. Communicate as openly as possible with your care partner about what is happening. Respect and discuss both their needs and yours with the goal of learning as much as you can and staying on the same page.
3) Be Patient: Take time to explain. Use your time together wisely and try to allow everyone some grace when it comes to moving forward, pausing to think, adjusting to potential changes and working through things as and when they happen.
4) Networking support: Know who has your back. Maybe it’s your family and friends providing emotional support, or professionals providing information, guidance, therapy or medical support. Building a solid network that you can call on during difficult times can help ease the burden and allow you the opportunity to delegate sometimes.
5) Consider financial implications: Money matters are often a significant challenge for caregivers. Who pays, what things cost and how to get funding needs to be clarified. By making and keeping a budget, tracking spending and trying to build a buffer for the unexpected can make sudden expenses easier to handle. The more things that are left uncertain the more overwhelming things can be.
6) Take a breather: Things often seem less daunting or “better after you’ve slept on them.” Self-care comes in many shapes and sizes but taking a break and being kind to yourself along the way will help build resilience and create a healthier caregiving environment.
A new approach
Change isn’t always bad or scary. Sure change can bring growth, opportunity, and new experiences. However, at times like this when the challenges are significant enough to require change and transitions are needed, opt for keeping an open mind, a willing spirit and as positive an outlook as you possibly can.
Clare Hurley Morrison contributed as a Program Assistant at the Canadian Abilities Foundation.
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9 tips for moving to retirement living or long-term care
Leaving a comfortable home can be hard for all concerned. Here are some tips to make the transition a little less difficult:
1) Involve others in planning: Allow mum or dad and other interested parties to participate in packing, decorating their new space if they want to. Making decisions helps them maintain a sense of control and allows for personalized options.
2) Go for familiarity: Bring cherished items, such as family photos, small pieces of furniture, or bedding can make the new environment feel warmer
3) Gradual adjustments: Start discussions and alternatives as far in advance as possible. If moving, visit the new place beforehand once or twice. Try to stay and have a meal or overnight if possible to create familiarity.
4) Maintain social connections: Encourage participation in group activities and assist with forming new friendships. Maintaining regular family visits, virtual check-ins and celebrations.
5) Validate emotions: Acknowledge that the transition is a major life change. Listen to fears and anxiety, offering constant reassurance.
6) Maintain routines: Keep consistent schedules for daily tasks like bathing, dressing, and eating to provide stability when possible.
7) Redirect, don’t argue: If behavior changes (e.g., due to dementia), avoid confrontation. Instead, redirect attention to a new, soothing activity like music or a walk.
8) Adapt the environment: Simplify the home by reducing clutter and noise to decrease confusion.
9) Respect independence: Allow seniors to maintain as much autonomy as possible, supporting them in making their own choices.
Photo: Age Cymru
