Can’t Understand
Q) My mother has been diagnosed with dementia and there are some days where communication with her is very difficult. How can I understand her and help her tell me what she needs?
A) Communicating with someone who lives with dementia can be difficult and requires patience, empathy and simplicity. Try keeping sentences short and direct and give choices instead of asking open-ended questions. Remain calm and try not to argue or correct the person. It’s also helpful to give them time to respond. Focus on validating their feelings and removing distractions or things that may make them uncomfortable.
No driving, what now?
Q) My wife and I still enjoy living independently and don’t need much help day-to-day aside from our granddaughter teaching us how to use new apps on our phones. I know a time will come when we can’t drive ourselves, and we don’t want to bother family members, what can we do?
A) It can be hard to ask for help from family and friends when you proudly live independently with limited assistance. Inquire about other forms of local transportation services, or maybe ask your granddaughter to find you an app that can help you either find trusted, rideshare licensed drivers or provide shopping and delivery services for you and your wife.
Our family needs a plan
Q) I live 3 hours away from my brother. Moving closer isn’t an option currently, but I’m the only family who seems to care that he’s getting more frail?
A) Long-distance caregiving is quite common. Discuss your willingness to help with your brother and offer to assist with scheduling appointments, banking/paying bills, arranging for in-home care or grocery services, order medical equipment, and/or research retirement home or long-term care options. Talk to other family members to see if they’ll help with a plan. If not – go it alone and whenever you are able to be there in-person, try to visit the family doctor, check home safety issues, connect with neighbours and friends and find ways to use technology to keep in touch and monitor any changes. Also, think of technology to help… emergency response systems, telehealth appointments and Facetime calls etc.
Angry but guilty
Q) I love my wife dearly, but I find myself getting angry when she asks me for assistance. I feel so guilty because I know none of this is her fault. Do others feel the same?
A) Anger, frustration, and irritation are all very normal emotions one can feel as a caregiver when under stress. This is nothing to be ashamed of but you’re right in your quest to find better and more constructive ways to cope when times get tough. Experts suggest: 1. Discussing things that are bothering you and see if you can come up with any solutions together. Why is she needing help? Can equipment make things easier? Is there a missing diagnosis or side-effect that is causing her to need more help? 2. Consider getting help at home a few times a week. 3. Schedule breaks and “me time.”
Photos: Rowen Smith. Getty Images. Natalia Blauth.
