A carer’s guide to surviving the ups and downs
Caregiving – It’s the nature of the job to continually give, care, fix, sort out and organize. But where do you draw the line and when is enough, enough?
Realistically, one’s bucket can only be so full before it overflows and you can’t do any more…even if you want to. As I look back at the years that I spent caring for my parents, I’m amazed at what I got done and the routines that I established amidst the daily chaos and relentless obstacles that came my way. Most caregivers are going down the same road as I did…with not so much as a road map. Perhaps some of these thoughts will help.
Styles and preferences
It’s time to reflect on some of the potential ground rules that a caregiver can set for themselves. Sure, what works for one person may not work for the next. Efficiencies and programs available for a city caregiver may not be feasible or even available for a rural resident. An extrovert may be more comfortable asking personal questions on behalf of a loved one than an introvert. Generally speaking, most people would agree that men and women ‘care-give’ differently.
But there are some guidelines, safety tips and personal recommendations that I’m happy to share that just may ease the burden:
Why wait – start preparing now
Stalling due to uncertainty, discomfort, or embarrassment is dangerous. This is when accidents happen. By taking steps in advance, rather than rushing into things in a crisis, family members and the people they’re caring for can better transition into new roles. Start small.
• Automate: Set up automated payments for regular bills and e-transfer capabilities.
• Choose your tasks: Take on the things best suited to your skill set and what’s needed.
• Research: Alternate forms of transportation and delivery services that might be needed
• Learn: All you can or need to know about current, doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, care companies, Meals on Wheels, transportation services, mobile hairstylists and pedicurists, and so on.
Connect with community
Isolation and loneliness can happen easily for older adults. Many have given up work, lost friends and /or moved from a familiar neighbourhood.
There are many activities and resources available locally and online as well as in person. It’s important to make sure your parents can stay active and in-touch, rather than alone and isolated.
Medically speaking
Try to understand and learn as much as possible about a senior’s medical condition. Before my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, I knew very little about dementia and how to care for someone.
But by researching it online (and being wary of the sources), speaking to Dad’s doctor, and visiting our local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Society, I learned a great deal about what to expect. Also, about how I could best support Dad and the rest of the family. Sure, there were still plenty of surprises and questions along the way but I wasn’t caught off guard as much as I might have been.
Tricky but necessary
Depending how close a family is, this can be an awkward thing to do. My parents were always good providers but were very private and rarely shared financial information or their thoughts and feelings with us. Therefore, when the time came to start discussing caregiving and final wishes with my parents, my sisters and I had to tread very carefully.
One of the best tricks I learned was to approach Mom and Dad and express my concerns for them. (This was something they couldn’t argue with). Instead of telling a senior how things must change, try emphasizing everyone’s personal comfort and safety instead.
My approach worked again when we were trying to convince Mom to use a mobility scooter. Granted, it took some time to win her over to the idea, but when she realized that she could safely continue to get out and go places on her own, she came to love her scooter.
Stay calm and stay patient
Older adults may not follow conversations as easily as they once did. I quickly understood that arguing with Dad was pointless as his Alzheimer’s disease was robbing him of his ability to differentiate between right and wrong.
I found it helpful to speak to other family caregivers and health professionals for tips and trusted ideas for managing and staying on track.
Downsize now
Especially if those you are starting to care for are in the original family home there’s usually an accumulation of belongings that have been kept from a lifetime of occasions. (Maybe even some of your things that you’ve been ‘storing there’ or they’ve simply kept for old time’s sake).
With consideration to what is truly valuable and important to them and others, furniture, clothing, nick-nack collections, artwork and musical instruments can often be sold or donated.
Nostalgia can be a powerful motivator when it comes to holding onto belongings but decisions will have to be made to avoid spare rooms remaining cluttered. Paid storage can be another short-term option but monthly storage costs can
add up.
A less cluttered home becomes far more manageable to maintain, keep clean and move around for you, them and support workers so… take the leap if at all possible.
Think about self-care
It has been said repeatedly but family caregivers tend to focus much of their time, energy, and resources on helping others.
Caregiving can be a taxing role physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Self-care matters and comes in many different forms. It can be any activity, pastime, or hobby that puts a little distance between you and the daily worries. It should be enjoyable, mind clearing and flexible in time and ability to organize.
I chose to walk as a means of getting me out of the house and into the park and getting some exercise. Other caregivers might enjoy a reflexology treatment, a half hour with a good book or funny movie.
Rick Lauber is a freelance writer. He has written two books, Caregiver’s Guide for Canadians and The Successful Caregiver’s Guide.
Do you, (or they), have benefits
Now there are a local, provincial and national programs that can be important for caregivers to learn about. One such program: https://www.canada.ca/en/services/benefits/family.html).
Some employers now offer staff caregiving benefits like scheduling flexibility, paid leave, and work-from-home arrangements. Chat with other employees in similar situations to see what’s worked for them as well.
Photos: iStock. Getty Images.
