What’s the meaning of your life? How do you want to live what’s left of it and how will your dots connect?
Pulitzer prize-winning poet Mary Oliver asks a stirring question in the last two lines of her poem, The Summer Day. “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I remember being awestruck when reading those lines. So deep was the question that it triggered a mental rewind of the movie reel of my life journey to date.
William Barclay said, “There are two great days in a person’s life, the day we are born, and the day we discover why.” In other words, at whatever age we might be, we’re not here simply to take up space. We thrive on finding meaning and our truth comes through the lessons we learn from each other along the way.
I believe that each of us has, at any point in time, a special purpose or mission, so to speak. There is something inside each of us that feels naturally right, something that resonates in our hearts.
My life purpose is to “touch the lives of others with my positive energy”. Yours may be to care for family members, or others in need. Are you a healer with a special talent or gift? Are you an organizer or peacekeeper? Your mission may be about creating, inspiring, understanding, sharing teaching, or seeking.
What happened in Chapter 3?
When you really listen to the way people tell their life stories and what things have been important to them– the words they choose and how they explain what they’ve been through – you can begin to understand the depth and value of their lives.Telling and retelling the story of your life helps shape its meaning for you personally. It does the same for others.
In his book How Good Do We Have to Be? Rabbi Harold Kushner shares the wisdom of a colleague who taught him the secret of composing a eulogy: “Every human being’s life is a story, a unique story that nobody ever lived before and no one will ever live again. What we want to know about a book or a movie is not how long it is, but how good it is, and we can learn to think of life in the same way. If life is a story, then we understand it better as we get closer to the end. Its only then that can we understand the real significance of something that happened back in chapter three or four.”
The late Steve Jobs would call this “connecting the dots.” In 2005 he gave the commencement speech to the graduating students at Stanford University. “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.”
Dr. Dan Baker, founding director of the Life Enhancement Center at Canyon Ranch, believes we need to create better life stories. “Ask yourself: Do my life stories limit my vision, minimize my potential, create negative experiences, or devalue me? Or do they create new possibilities that inspire and stretch me? Do they provide passion and purpose and represent my core values?”
After working with overachieving professionals for years, Baker tells us that he began to see that similar events in different people’s lives were interpreted in either constructive or destructive ways, depending on each individual’s perception of the event. “Too often we tell ourselves scary, fear-driven stories. Fear is so reactive; it leaves no room for looking at past experiences in a constructive way”.
Baker uses an interesting technique to get clients to be more introspective and honest with themselves—he asks them to think about their lives as if they were on their deathbed. “People on their deathbed look back on life with a special perspective. They discard trivia and focus on what matters most: relationships and defining moments – those critical choices that lead us down one path or another.”
The lucky Cassels
That’s how Sidney Cassel viewed his life story when he shared his last moments with his wife Pearl and his son Paul. He dictated these last words to Pearl for his own eulogy: “My life has been very lucky. I’ve been the luckiest man alive and I still am.” Then his son left the hospital and returned with three silver rings, each with the word “lucky” engraved on it. In a celebratory gesture, the three of them clicked their rings together and proclaimed, “We are the lucky Cassels!”
As for Baker himself, he had endured one of the most painful experiences—the death of his infant son. Yet he still chooses to perceive life’s lessons—even the difficult ones—in an empowering way. “My son left me a legacy. He taught me that life is fragile and precious, and that relationships with other human beings are what’s most important in life. Even a painful experience is a profound lesson.”
More I love yous
If I asked you about the story of your life, what would you tell me? Would you focus on the good parts and eliminate the painful ones? Would you wish to rewrite your life story if you had the chance? Or do you value and celebrate everything you’ve experienced and learned?
The late author Erma Bombeck wrote in a touching article, If I had My Life to Live Over, “There would have been more I love yous, more I’m sorrys, more I’m listenings but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it, look at it and really see it … try it on… live it … exhaust it … and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.”
Dr. Elaine Dembe is a health and wellness practitioner in private practice for 45 years in Toronto. She is a Chiropractor and the author of 3 best-selling books. www.elainedembe.com
What makes you happy?
From 30 types of happiness people across the world said they would derive the greatest happiness from:
1) Good physical and mental well-being
2) Their relationship with their partner
3) Feeling that their life has meaning
4) Living conditions and personal safety
5) Feeling in control of their life
• Men’s health and happiness are strongly shaped by their employment circumstances.
• Women’s well-being is focused more by their education and marital status.
